I want to apologize for not having many posts leading up to Yule. They're coming, but they may be a little late. Mostly, I'm struggling a bit in the health department. As most of you know, I have something called Multiple Autoimmune Syndrome (my best description for it in short is non-lupus lupus). Right now, it's kicking my rear. I typically don't use it as an excuse and do everything to fight the chronic illness stigma, but I'm exhausted. Right after the housewarming party, I came down with a brutal respiratory infection. I was on a nebulizer for the majority of last Saturday, which was fairly reminiscent of the cold I had back on NYE 2013-2014. If some of my circlemates didn't have similar health issues, I might have ended up back in the ER, so I really have them to thank for saving me. Then, the antibiotics for the respiratory infection triggered a hiatal hernia flare up that I'm still battling. I spent all of Tuesday in excruciating pain on the bathroom floor; the same pain that led me to seek out a GI specialist and go through testing for five months in early 2014 where I was diagnosed with Celiac disease too. Hernia flares are, for me, pain - not nausea but pain - that makes you throw up and the throwing up doesn't solve the pain so you end up in an endless loop of dry heaving and weeping. I'm on medication for it now, but I've probably had maybe 1200 calories in the past 72 hours. I'm not entirely sure how much of that has stayed down. Mornings are the worst, because laying down can trigger hernia spasms, so I'll wake up feeling worse than when going to bed. But I find it impossible to sleep sitting up, so I have little choice. The fear of my morning pain gives me anxiety when I try to go to sleep and I end up staying up until weird hours trying to avoid everything. Hence writing this at 4:30 in the morning on a Friday.
Just dealing with MAS on its own is a daily chore to which I've grown accustomed. When you throw in something like an infection, everything becomes much more complicated. Add in the fact that I'm writing and leading the Yule ritual with two weeks to prep, 90% of which has been tossed away thanks to said infection and... Well, you get the picture.
I'll survive. I always do. I'm on the right medications and I'm starting to feel a bit better. But my current focus has been almost entirely on the Circle of Fountains Yule ritual, meaning I have little time for blogging right at the moment.
Any down time I've had has mostly been spent on the couch in the theater watching my husband play a game on the projector. That's been almost a nightly routine for us anymore. I think he enjoys the use of the giant screen, and I've always loved to watch him play games, even if it's games I regularly play myself.
Plus, it gives me a chance to cuddle with my familiars, all of which have been feeling the pull of my health. That's the thing about having familiars versus pets. Pets will want you to feel better. Familiars, as a spiritual extension of yourself, can't do anything but stew in your misery with you.
Obviously, as a disclaimer, if your animal is having health issues, you should get them to a vet. Don't just think it's a "spiritual bond" because you don't feel well either. For example, pet owners often share food with their pets and, if you both end up with food poisoning, your pet may not survive it. Just, you know, facts of life. Safety over spirituality, always. Be discerning.
That being said, that's not the case here and it breaks my heart to see them all laying around like I am, often right there with me. Sometimes, my driving force to feel better is them. I would give anything to pick my stomach up off the floor, shove it back in where it belongs and feel normal just so I can see them run and play again. We'll get there.
I hate that my final random update for the year is such a sour one! I wish I had better news, or at least more relaxing news, but I felt like I owed an explanation to my silence. I do have photos taken of the recent Sabbat Box for the solstice, so those will be coming very soon. Of course, my circle's Yule celebration is this Sunday along with Liithi Lushede's public ritual, so you'll get both of those next week. I can't guarantee a Yule altar for this year. Mostly, I just can't find a good place for it. I may have to invest in an alternative altar that I can place easier. Maybe a wall shelf or something. For right now, I'm lacking a good location and something has got to give with how off I've been feeling. The altar may be the thing that gets cut.
Once we get through Yule, expect my 2016 goal posts. Then we get into January and things should hopefully go a little smoother!
Talk to you soon, dear readers!